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"(I)n this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." ~ Benjamin Franklin

In this life, no one gets out alive. People are obsessed with death and dying or mortally afraid of it. But since we'll all die eventually, "How do you want to die?" Here are the most interesting answers to that question.

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Who Doesn't?

(I want to die) Happy.

(Don't we all?)

Who Doesn't?
Like a King

The way Elvis was rumored to have died. Sitting on the toilet, eating a sandwich.

Like a King
The Healing Power of Michael Landon

It's lame, but I want to die of very, very old age. I don't think most people stop and realize what a gift old age really is.

It dawned on me recently when I was watching an episode of Highway to Heaven.

The Healing Power of Michael Landon
Asphyxiation

Cara Delevigne... smothering me to death while...

Asphyxiation
Immediate Gratification

In any way that's instantly to be honest.

Immediate Gratification
The Meaning of Life

I want to be chased by dozens of nude women, eventually leading to a cliff that I fall off of, landing perfectly in my grave, where the funeral is waiting to happen.

The Meaning of Life
On My Own Terms Part 2

Heroin overdose.

Hear me out. Odds are I will develop a terminal illness by 60. Figure I'll treat what I can to keep it manageable. Heroin is cheaper than most pain meds so I'll use that once things really get heady. I'll keep upping my doses until I just die. Preferably in the grass under the night sky. Barefoot.

On My Own Terms Part 2
Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries...

Mysteriously, in the Bermuda Triangle. I wanna be a Buzzfeed Unsolved episode someday.

Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries...
Swarm

I don't know how exactly, but I want to be able to yell "There's too many of them!!!"

Swarm
Take It Like a Man Kif!

(Death by) Snu-snu!

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!

Take It Like a Man Kif!
Very Funny

Sometimes i wish i can die from laughter. like laughing too hard to a joke and pass away. but of course not now, like when im 70 or 80.

Very Funny
On My Terms

A planned end-of-life ceremony, with stellar drugs for a pain-free passing, when I am older than 85 years. This would be more than 50 years in the future, so I'm hoping it's not still horribly taboo by then. I've got no interest in having my butt wiped by an underpaid nurse while my mind and body goes to mush.

On My Terms
Unexpected

I Want to die Monty Python style.

(No one expects that...)

Unexpected
I'll Pass

I don't (want to die).

I'll Pass
Finish him!

Slain in 1 on 1 honorable combat.

Finish him!
Spin the Wheel

Playing Russian roulette with Vladimir Putin and Richard Dawkins.

Spin the Wheel
Cat Lady

Licked to death by kittens.

Cat Lady
Back Out the Way I Came In

I want to be swallowed by an anaconda, feet first. As my body slides backwards into a flesh tunnel through a gaping maw, my life will have a certain symmetry.

Back Out the Way I Came In
Dust to Dust

I want to be swallowed whole by a giant among giants, where my whole body is only a fraction of the teeth that inevitably grind me into a fine white dust.

Dust to Dust
A Good Day to Die

Heroically.

(With rousing theme music.)

A Good Day to Die
Priorities

In my sleep. Preferably sometime (after) next week. I want to watch UFC 216 first.

Priorities
Either Or

Either in the most badass way possible or quick and painless with all my memories intact.

Either Or
Hold My Beer...

In such a blaze of glory that my birthday is a national holiday and schools are named after me.

Hold My Beer...
Moving Violation

I would like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my Grandpa did.

And not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Moving Violation
Evel Knievel

Jumping a motorcycle off a ramp into an active volcano, with an orchestra playing the 1812 Overture in the background.

Using actual cannons.

Evel Knievel
Poetic Justice

"What are you gonna do, shoot me?"

*gets shot

I see it as fitting for myself, since I'm a little to sarcastic.

Poetic Justice
Does He Have a Driver's License?

Being run over by a monster truck driven by the Incredible Hulk.

Does He Have a Driver's License?
In the Year 2525...

Respirator unplugged by Emma Stone's great, great, great granddaughter.

In the Year 2525...
Me Last

In my sleep on an unexpected night after all my loved ones die (excluding any that come later on in life obviously)

Me Last
A Little From Column A...

Part of me wants to pass surrounded by a large family. Going gracefully to the ever after content that I had passed on a good legacy.

Another part wants to go in a fiery high speed crash while strapped into a ridiculously fast car and being pursued by every law enforcement agency I can piss off.

Another part is content dying alone while watching Game Show reruns.

A Little From Column A...
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