Waiting tables can be stressful.

It can also be weird.

WAITER (16/16)

I remember when I was waiting tables many years ago these two guys came in and ordered the entire breakfast menu, multiple orders of several things- they spent most of the morning (from about 8:30 am to about 12 noon) at the restaurant eating it all. It was something like a large order of pancakes each (those things were huge too, about 3/4 very big pancakes) with eggs (several of them cooked several ways) and omelette and bacon and mushrooms and waffles (also huge) and sausages and french toast and regular toast and homefries and a few other things that I can't remember off the top of my head. I remember thinking that they must have been ordering for a much larger party that just hadn't shown up yet, but no! Just these two guys, they also consumed several pots of coffee between them.

They weren't even huge guys, I'd say they were pretty big stocky, maybe a bit chunky, but not obese. I have no idea how just the two of them ate that much food. I kept an eye on their table too while I gave them their many refills, they weren't taking leftovers for later either, just eating all of it as if they had never seen food.

I seem to recall their bill was a fair bit more than my paycheck. I was just baffled by the whole thing and wondering how they were not totally sick from all of that grease.


WAITER (15/16)

I worked at Ihop. Took a table's order and get to the wife. She ordered a meal and I ask her how she'd like her eggs. She replies "unfertilized". Having heard this joke from drunken men before, I brushed it off and chuckled, but she was serious. She said " you know when you crack the egg, and you see that little white bit stuck to the yolk? That's the sperm, and I don't want it in my eggs." Still dead serious. I glance at the husband looking for answers and he just shrugs his shoulders and makes an "I'm not getting involved" sort of face.


WAITER (14/16)

I haven't waited tables in nearly 10 years but the weirdest order I got was from a guy who wanted a steak so well done that no juice would come out of it. Took like a half hour to grill it up that way and, surprise surprise, it was really bad. It looked like I was giving him the sole of a shoe.


WAITER (13/16)

Not me but another server I was working with at the time. Two women ordered a bloomin onion. After it was delivered he went over to see how everything was. The lady asked for a cup of the sauce at the bottom of the plate. Ma'am that is actually fryer grease not a sauce. She looked at him and said "I don't care what it is just get me a cup of it". He went to the back, ladled out a soup cup of fryer grease, and brought it out. The woman seasoned the grease with salt and pepper and went to town. That was probably the most disgusting thing I ever saw working as a server.


WAITER (12/16)

I feel like sometimes people are misinformed at bars as well. I was behind the bar and some lady was like "I want a Ketel One chilled but no Ice, not too dirty, olives on the side and the Ketel in a cold glass. I figured she wanted a martini and didn't know what vermouth was, So I was like "A dirty martini? Light on the brine?" She's like "Did you hear what I said?!" I just made it really dry and light on the brine. She loved it, "Isnt my way better than whatever you wanted to make?" I'm like, "Uh, yeah sure."


WAITER (11/16)

I was a waitress at Red Lobster in Southern California. This older German lady would come in regularly and pick a lobster out of the tank. She would demand it gets boiled alive and whole, DO NOT GUT IT OR CLEAN it and bring it to her. She would eat the intestines and all the shit youre legally supposed to clean out of the lobster before serving it.

We always accommodated her, and her Pomeranian who sat at the table with her.


WAITER (10/16)

Waiting at a Red Lobster a while back... every Sunday afternoon a dozen or so members of the Red Hat Society would come squat at our biggest table for about 4 hours. These women were absolutely horrible. From what I understand the RHS is about being uninhibited as you get older, and not worrying about what people think of you. I think the once in that area interpreted it as "I'm old, you have to deal with my crap, I'm going to make your life hell, tough cookies."

Anyway, one of them had ill-fitting false teeth and couldn't chew literally anything. Every Sunday she'd come in and order the Chicken Finger meal, but she wanted it fried just enough to cook the breading, then microwaved to cook the chicken, then thrown in the steamer to make the entire meal soggy to the point of falling apart.

Every Sunday she'd send it back over and over because "it's too tough, it's like chewing rubber. Just make it so it's edible and we'll be fine."

We were finally able to convince our manager that it was literally impossible to get it soft enough for this hag to chew, and one week he refused to remake it a third time. I've never seen such a snarling, vicious human being in my life. She screamed at every employee she could find for twenty minutes before finally being told that the police were going to remove her from the building if she wouldn't leave on her own.


WAITER (9/16)

This lady asked for lemonade. We don't have it. She looks at her water, looks at me and says, "Well, you have lemons, and I can see sugar packets on that table. Make some."

I half assed this, squeezed like 4 or 5 slices into a glass with some water and put in 3 packets of sugar. She didn't like it, surprisingly. Then she asked for as many lemons as I could bring her a pitcher and a bunch of sugar packets. She made the best lemonade she could. I bussed the pitcher at the end of the meal and tasted some. It was not good. F**k that lady, I had to cut basically an extra entire night's worth of lemons for her because she was being a tw*t about NEEDING lemonade.


WAITER (8/16)

Was a server at Cracker Barrel in Tennessee for about 2 years... this Cracker Barrel was right of the interstate so the majority of our customers were travelers but we had a couple regulars. This one old lady would come in every Wednesday and Sunday at exactly 2pm and would order a fried chicken salad. But for the dressing she would request two large bowls of piping hot white gravy and grits.... she'd then proceed to mix the grits and gravy into the salad and eat the entire thing. She did always sit in my section and tipped 10$ cash!


WAITER (7/16)

Used to have a woman with a likely drug/alcohol problem come into the family restaurant I was a supervisor at with her boyfriend.

Ignoring the maany other issues of a problem customer she would always order a glass of the better white wine we had which was always served with the wine in a small carafe and a clean glass so the customer would pour their own portions. However she always wanted a glass full of ice and a funnel along with it.

She would then dump the wine into the ice glass, cup her hand over the top and shake it, pop the funnel in the wine glass and then pour the icey wine into the glass.

Now I get wanting cold wine, the white was (of course) always served at fridge temp. It was just the whole ceremony of the thing that threw me for a loop.


WAITER (6/16)

Worked for a sushi restaurant and a husband and wife came in and looked very confused.

I took them to their table and got them situated and came back with menus and they asked in really broken english (found out they were Ethiopian) "Do have fish here?" I couldn't tell if they were being serious or not but I told them that we are a sushi restaurant and we have a lot of varieties of fish. When I told them that, their eyes became big and they were so excited. I walked them through the menu and they were settled on the large sashimi platter. I had a sneaking suspicion that this couple did not know what sushi really was so I made sure that they knew it was going to be completly raw. The husband hushed me and said "yes yes go bring food". Welp alright it's a done deal now.

Go over to bring the plate and bring it to them and I swear their faces looked like I just crucified Christ myself. "WHAT IS DIS?! DIS NOT COOKED! NO GOOD!" I'll admit, my face went from 0 to are you f**king kidding me but I am trying to put myself in their shoes and find out why they are over reacting to this. From what I was told, uncooked fish is a bad sign and should never be eaten. They said they want this fish cooked. I told them that we could scrap the item and they could go somewhere else because we will not have anything they will like. They suggested we cook the fish.....

I gave up at this point. Took the plate back to the kitchen. The chefs were just as confused and they popped the fish into the stove top oven we only use for eel. Just to clarify, this is sashimi. Thin pieces of sashimi. When it came out of the oven, it was now very small pieces of dry fish. I brought it back. They ate it. Didn't tip. Left.


WAITER (5/16)

When I was waiting tables at the Outback, I had a customer ask for an eight ounce prime rib. "And how would you like that prime rib cooked, sir?" "I want it blue." "Blue?" "Yes, blue." I wrote down the order and sent it to the kitchen but, out of curiosity, I immediately asked the chef if he knew what it was and if so, what was it. He guffawed for a second or two and then said, "Blue is... a blue prime rib is when I cut a very rare prime rib and put it in the refrigerator for about 5 mins. When I take it out, it'll be blue(-ish) so I plate it and serve it." So, I took it to the table and dude said, "That's exactly like I wanted!" Ick, cold, raw meat... it's what's for dinner.


WAITER (4/16)

I work at Culver's. It's like McDonald's except we actually give a f**k about quality.

A few weeks ago someone ordered a cup full of crushed Oreos covered in chicken gravy and that was the exact moment that I lost all faith in humanity.


WAITER (3/16)

Work in a fairly classy Italian restaurant. Place you wear a shirt and tie to. On Valentine's day i had a guy get a 12 oz ribeye well done. and then he asked for a side of ranch. Dude just paid 30 bucks for what is essentially edible rubber to be used as a ranch delivery system. And then washed it down with a mountain dew.

And then he tipped like sh*t. Surprise.


WAITER (2/16)

Lady ordered our house salad dressing on the side, pretty standard affair. When it came out she ordered a shot of rail gin. I brought it out and she dumped it on the salad. Certainly a red wine vinaigrette is a thing, and i know even some dressing have a splash of spirits, but straight gin? I have a great server face/smile/laugh, but this broke me. She saw my look of amazement and disgust and she just said "you gotta season the salad..."


WAITER (1/16)

I worked very briefly at a snobby as f**k steakhouse. Lots of folks had ironic beards, Buddy Holly glasses, gaged ears, tattoos, etc. You know the place: the only beverage choices were water or one of the locally produced craft beers in wooden mugs. The menu had very few items - all the usual cuts of steak plus burgers and few common chicken and pork entrees. Everything was labeled as "organic" and "locally sourced", which was a lie; it was all picked up at Sam's Club every day.

The work environment was super toxic there. The customers were seen as the enemy by many of the senior staff, because they were "steak experts" and customers just couldn't give less of a f**k about their "craft". These f**kers were hopelessly delusional. People came to eat meat and get buzzed, not to critique every bite and subtle flavor in their steak.

The weirdest incident I remember was a guy wanted a steak cooked medium-well with pickle slices layered on it while it cooked. Our menu said specifically in bold font that steaks will only be cooked blue, rare, medium-rare, and medium. Ordering a steak medium-well or well was considered sacrilege. The pickles were just seen as further blasphemy. The waiter (part-owner and my boss) straight-up asked him to leave, then bragged about it to his tables for the rest of the night.

I could see the writing on the wall with that place and I took a job with a little less pay and twice the work as soon as I possibly could. I can't deal with that kind of negativity.


H/T: Ask Reddit

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