That is, until they do.
A meteorite. It was a silent auction during a Yuri's night event to benefit the local planetarium, and they had bottomless vodka. I still don't know what to do with it, but I'm fucking thrilled that I own a space rock.
Shortly after I moved into my new apartment I was stressing over how there wasn't much counter space or cupboard space in the kitchen. A few nights later I was two sheets to the wind and I bought a really nice kitchen hutch on amazon. It's perfect and has room for all my pots and pans, microwave, and toaster oven.
I guess maybe that's not so much "awesome" as "practical and necessary."
I was losing my job because of some merger bullshit, but they announced the layoffs two months in advance so I could plan ahead.
I was drunk as hell, looking at job sites and getting depressed and said: "Fuck it! I'm going to Hong Kong for two weeks and I'll deal with this shit when I get back!" (Why HK? I dunno, I was drunk.)
I went to cancel my ticket the next day (within the 24 hour window you get), but I researched the dates I'd be there and it was the same week as the Hong Kong 7s rugby tournament so I kept the ticket.
Ended up being one of the best two weeks of my life. Hiking, swimming, exploring the city, gambling in Macau. I went on dates with girls from Australia, Canada, England, China, and Hong Kong; all through the miracle of Tinder. I got a free 3-day ticket to the Hong Kong 7s from a girl who got them free from her work. I ate incredible food. I visited the Fuji Building and got the courage to ring a doorbell. Then I promptly exited the building because I felt so creepy. I got drunk and lost a bunch of money at the horse track. I got to ride on a free party trolley with beer, sponsored by the HK tourism board. And I made a couple life long friends. I love Hong Kong.
Still looking for a good job though.
A violin. I had never played a violin. I had never even held a violin before. It was about 2am and I was talking to my best friend who was also drinking. I told her that I always loved how they sounded and wished I had played while I was in school. Sober me is now learning how to play the violin.
That time I drunk ordered dominos to be delivered at 1:30 pm the next day. My hungover ass woke up to pizza. It was one of my most brilliant life choices.
A healthy savings account. Not exactly a purchase... but drunk me often writes notes in my phone to share her drunken insights.
One night I drafted a 2-year savings plan and transferred a sensible amount of money into my savings account. One of my drunken "ideas" was to start receiving my tips in as much change as possible (I was a waitress and we pooled tips) because I was less compelled to immediately spend change. Then I would roll up the coins every two weeks and deposit them into my savings account.
I actually ended up saving $400+ just in change within a year. And it turns out I find rolling up coins very soothing.
10/10 would drink and manage finances again.
An Improv Level 1 class. I still play in shows regularly.
Verbatim description from Amazon: "Funny Cute Cat Dressed as Rambo with Gun Riding a Glowing Red Eyes Fire Breathing Unicorn Mouse Pad".
Had no clue I bought it until it arrived.... I laughed my a** off and then slipped it onto a coworkers desk as a gift when she was traveling for work. She came back, posted a pic of it on Facebook questioning who put it on her desk (under her mouse, for functional use) and, to this day, she's never had a pic with more likes or comments.
My buddy and I got HAMMERED drunk one night and decided I should buy a plane ticket to Anchorage and join him when he was flying home to visit his mom & dad & brother.
We spent a week driving around Alaska fishing and drinking beer (in camp) and it was the best fucking vacation I ever had.
Back when eBay was young, I was drinking A LOT with friends while bidding on a used folding kayak.
I got angry with a competing bidder and wound up paying a lot more than I would have sober. (I later learned about sniping services. I rarely buy things in online auctions anymore, but that may have been the last time I was foolish enough to watch the end of an auction and try to outbid someone who was likely a bot.)
The kayak still cost much less than a new one, and I used it for about a decade before selling it to someone else.
Paddling around Cape Cod almost always beat any gym workout I can remember.
A subscription to early readers books, like Dr. Seuss and whatnot, for my one-year-old. She loves books and now I don't have to read the same 6 books over and over aging. Plus, it's like reliving my childhood.
Sober me found that drunk me (and possibly my roommate) thought buying banjos would be fun. It was. We each got one, certainly not the finest instruments, a regular 5-string banjo and a banjtar respectively. We played them! Both of us are pretty avid musicians and there were already probably 16-17 string instruments in the house at the time, so what harm would a couple more do?
You bet your ass we learned dueling banjos.
No. The neighbors were NOT pleased.
3/4 scale classroom skeleton. Mr. Bones has been to numerous parties and flea markets with us since, always happy to be there. In between he hangs just inside the door of the house and greets visitors.
They day after I saw the "shipping confirmed" email and was rather harsh with myself about spending that much money, but now many years later it is one of the best things I ever bought.
We boat a popcorn making cart ... one of those old style ones that is red and gold and an old fashioned candy machine that you have to use quarters in. We call it our fat tax. We didn't think we actually did it and was so confused by the large boxes on our porch about two weeks later. However, there are zero regrets and we use them all the time.